Processing and Healing as a Family Over the Holidays

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year….” Over the years, whenever I hear that Christmas song, I wonder, “Is it?” According to a study by healthcare provider Cigna in 2018, nearly half of Americans sometimes or always feel alone. That is even more true this year as we are urged to stay put this Holiday Season due to the surge of COVID-19.

For some of us, the holidays are a bittersweet mix of joy and grief. Maybe life didn’t go as we expected because of disappointment, death, or divorce. I walked through a heart-wrenching divorce, and my kids and I every holiday feel the effects of that split every day. They share their time between their dad and me. My home is filled with raucous laughter for days, and then it all becomes quiet…too quiet.

 I am faced with memories and questions, tears, and gratitude in silence. I have learned to relish the stillness — to let the empty moments be filled with peace. The heartbreak I have experienced has been a crucible, shaping me into the woman I am today. I know first-hand the truth that everything works together for good, for my kids and me. We’ve grown through the experiences of the past twelve years in ways that I never thought possible.

Whatever your pain, I challenge you to own it. Name the hurt and sadness, and let yourself feel it. Give yourself and your loved one space to process. That’s the first step toward healing.

Likewise, your children may feel an unusual sense of sadness and loss amidst the twinkling lights. Let them think about what they need to feel. Instead of telling them not to feel sad or angry, empathize with them. Let them know that you feel sad and angry too. Walking hand-in-hand with your children through grief is sacred.

I see you for those who are hurting today; I know and understand. May we find the grace to feel the ache, the courage to run into the arms of loved ones, the wisdom to rest, and the hope for restoration.

For my friends whose lives are seemingly intact, please do not pity or judge. Remember, each one of us is on our journey.

For all of us, let us be kind to one another and give thanks for life’s gifts.

Here are a few suggestions for slowing down and reconnecting with ourselves, our children, and our neighbors.

Pick one or two, and enjoy.

• Write a letter to the loved ones you miss dearly.
• Breathe deeply; smell the cinnamon and the pine.
• Pour a cup of hot cocoa, sit, and reminisce year.
• Gather your family together and read your favorite holiday story.
• Watch the classic film “It’s A Wonderful Life.”
• Bake cookies and share them with an elderly neighbor.

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