Measuring Choices Through the Standards of Love

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As an English major in college, I studied linguistics and quickly learned the limitations of our language. Unlike other cultures, English speakers often have one word to use for multiple applications. For example, Inuits have more than 30 words for “snow.” There are at least ten unique words or phrases for “dance” in Spanish, and the Greeks had eight words for “love.” Our shortage of English words leads to a lack of precision in describing feelings and experiences. It can also cause great confusion, which leads to misunderstanding. Let’s talk about L-O-V-E and Measuring Choices Through the Standards of Love.

Understanding Love

People have funny ideas about love. Some people think it’s all that hugging and kissing you see in the movies or on TV. Some people think it’s that butterfly feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when someone you think is cute smiles at you from across the room. Attraction and romance are part of love, but love is much more than a feeling. Love is a choice.

There are approximately 7,877,966,153 people in this world. And that number is increasing every day. These 8 billion people live in 195 countries and speak about 6500 languages. This is a big world, so big that it’s easy for us to feel small.

Maybe you feel small. A bit overwhelmed – a bit lost – even a bit angry. Angry because you think nobody listens to you or understands how you feel. That your ideas don’t matter. There’s nothing wrong with feeling mad if you don’t let it control you – as long as you don’t let that anger be the boss of your actions. Maybe you don’t feel angry. Perhaps you feel depressed. Did you know that depression is anger turned inward? 

Each one of us is wearing a pair of glasses that filter our view of the world. The anger and depression you feel because of feeling small, left out, like you cannot do anything right, and hopeless due to the pandemic cloud your vision. Then you can’t see hope, can’t see the future. 

So how do you get these glasses clean? You must find healthy ways to deal with the anger – ways that won’t hurt yourself or anybody else, such as journaling, praying, exercising, talking with a friend, seeing a counselor, painting, dancing, and playing sports.

Once your glasses are clean, you can see so you can make wise choices to do good for yourself and those around you. But how do we know the interest? The good is loving yourself and loving others, and you can measure your choices by the standards of love.

Courage: standing up for what is right

You are courageous when you talk things out with someone rather than ignoring them or resorting to violence.

Honesty: living the truth

You are honest when you speak and act truthfully – not telling even the most minor lie, doing your work, and following the game’s rules.

Kindness: treating others the way you want to be treated

You are kind when you reach out to someone who is usually excluded and invite them to participate in what you are doing. 

In every situation that you and I encounter, we have a choice to make about what we will say and what we will do. The option is the opportunity and power to make decisions, and every one of us has that power. 

You might be thinking, “But there are some things that I don’t have a choice about — the family not having enough money to make ends meet, a cousin getting killed by a drunk driver, a grandfather dying of cancer.” You’re right! Bad things happen. And we can’t stop them. Life isn’t fair. But we have a choice of how we’ll deal with those things. We can either get angry, feel sorry for ourselves, and waste our days on this earth. Or we can learn from the tough stuff – let those hardships strengthen us. It’s our choice – my choice – it’s your choice. Again, it comes back to the way you look at things. (Remember, those big glasses.) You can choose to survive – make it through one more day – or you can choose to thrive – to live life to the fullest. It all comes down to you!

You and I must measure our choices by the standards of love. Love is courage. Love is honesty. Love is kindness. This is Love In A Big World!

Although the choice is up to you, sometimes you will need help. Sometimes no matter what you do, you can’t get the dirt and smudge off your glasses. You need someone else to help you clean them off so you can see clearly. Some days I don’t feel like choosing to Love In A Big World. Some days I have a bad attitude day. Sometimes I don’t know where they come from – I roll out of bed, and there it is. On other days I know exactly what is going on. I look at this big world – this rough place filled with rugged people- and think, “This is too much for me. My life doesn’t matter. What good can I do? I’m just going to give up.” And I start feeling sorry for myself.

Then I stop and think. When I have a bad attitude, who am I thinking about? Myself. But who am I able to think about if I change my perspective? Other people. And I can change my attitude. That’s called self-control.

The good news is that in this big world, we are not alone. We have people to help us – to remind us to keep a good attitude and choose to love. We’ve got our friends, parents, and colleagues – our family!

Friends, let’s measure each choice by the standards of Courage, Honesty, and Kindness. Ask yourself, “Am I standing up for what is right? Am I living the truth? Am I treating others the way I want to be treated?” The daily choices you make about what you do and say form habits, and those habits become patterns for life. Model your life after great heroes who were courageous, honest, and kind – individuals who shaped the world through their choices, like Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Mahatma Gandhi, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Nelson Mandela. 

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